Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
(The Devil's Dictionary)

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

The covers of this book are too far apart.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
(The Devil's Dictionary)

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
(The Devil's Dictionary)