Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.
(Anonymous)

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
(Steve Bluestone)

I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.... This is an ex-parrot.
(John Cleese, Monty Python, British comedy television show)

I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul.
(Jean Cocteau)

... I am indebted to the cat for a particular kind of honorable deceit, for a greater control over myself, for a characteristic aversion to brutal sounds, and for the need to keep silent for long periods of time.
(Colette)

What if it was cats who invented technology... would they have tv shows starring rubber sqeak toys?
(Douglas Coupland)

In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
(English Proverb)

I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.
(George Bird Evans)

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the 2 will hover, inches above the ground. With a giant buttered-cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
(John Frazee)

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
(Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts)